WHAT IT’S REALLY LIKE TO SCALE:

My RISE, FALL, & REBIRTH

 

January 31, 2020

“Where have you been? Are you ok? I miss seeing you online!”

This was a frequent message I have received for the last 6 months since I intentionally took a step back on social media and my business. 

Hello, my name is DesiRae and I’m a recovering scale-a-holic.

There are many women and men that I feel need to hear this. We need to stop pretending we have our shit together in business and talk about what only few of us are willing to say.

The last 6 months were the longest, darkest, most chaotic seasons in my business to date. To say I had a business identity crisis the last 6 months would be an understatement. 

I remember when I launched my business in 2016 I told people I wanted to be the next Oprah or Gabby B. I wanted to create an impact all over the world no matter what it took. 

I left my 14-year career in finance with $50k in the bank, scared shitless but with a fire in my belly ready to help women transform their lives.

I had gone through my own transformational journey after a tragedy in 2012. Even though I was a certified coach, and had 10+ years experience and education I honestly had no idea how the hell to run a business. 

No one teaches us this!

The first 2 years were rewarding but tough as most can relate who own their own business. Sure I had some success, but I could barely afford my bills, and as that $50k came close to zero I realized I had to get a part-time job. 

Something many people don’t talk about and I want to be REAL about this. Most of us out there have had to get part-time jobs and even contract jobs at times to pay the bills. 

Why are we not talking about this?

Because there is a fear of failure and not being an authority figure. There is a fear of “They’ll think I don’t know what I am doing and I can’t make this work”.

The beginning of 2018 I invested more into a business program to help me build systems and a foundation I never had before. I re-branded, re-wrote programs, and invested over $20k to shift my business to align my work and who I wanted to serve. By mid-year 2018 with multiple failed launches and some private 1:1 clients I was on the edge of giving up.

I kept showing up 24/7 via email, FB, IG, lives and with enough consistency things finally started to pay off. Doing all the “things” we are told to do. It’s who I am to speak the truth with no B.S. So I always showed up authentic, real, and empowered. 

I showed up 100% aligned in my life and my life’s work but the “business” side of things was feeling forced. I was “shoulding” on myself more and doing all the things many of us were told to do to grow and scale. 

I was not giving myself permission to do it MY way. I did not know what that way looked like.

 

By the end of 2018, after almost 3 years in it was all starting to pay off…

 – Maxed out my 8 spots for my private 1:1 clients.

 – Filled my group program.

 – Had my biggest month in business bringing in $35 k in sales ($20k cash in).

 – Started to write my book. 

 – Looking at speaking engagements.

 – Hired an amazing full-time VA.

I started to grow and scale investing $5k + months into the business. I took a big risk for myself and invested almost $20k into marketing and ads just in one quarter alone.

I was so tied to my business that I really could not separate myself from it.  

It was becoming financially, energetically and emotionally draining. There were moments I felt like I was on top of the world, and others sliding down the mountain.

I had created true soul-alignment in my life and work… but scaling it felt out of alignment.

It cost me my sanity, my certainty, my confidence in myself, my freedom, spaciousness, joy and being fully present with my partner. 

I started to see that I created this soul-aligned life, I was in alignment with the work I was doing but I was “shoulding” all over myself in business. 

I questioned myself. How could I live in the truth of not shoulding on myself in life and all the work I had done… yet here I was doing the things I thought I “should” do in business. 

Show up more, do more, grow, scale, write your book, start speaking, make more money, and create more impact.

Be more. Spend more. Invest more. Do more.

Then I stopped to realize DO-ing all these things was going to cost me more. 

When you’re so aligned in who you are you get to call yourself out on your own shit. 

You get to really have a heart-to-heart. 

So by June 2019 as I was climbing the business mountain of “shoulds” I only built for myself and I had to surrender.  

I energetically fell to my knees and said,

“I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what this looks like, but I’m letting go of the need for answers… for now.” 

I intentionally choose to do my own work and give myself the space to do it without the world needing to know while I was in it. 

So I did one of the scariest things I’ve ever done in business and I decided to take a BIG step back. I consciously stopped ALL my marketing, advertising, pulled back 90% from social media, and only took a handful of private clients. I intentionally choose to fully dive into the abyss of the unknown. And be in the shit of it.

I gave myself permission to just be with it. Without answers. Without knowing. Without trying to control it.

Was this hard. Hell yes it was. 

I asked myself the following questions: 

“What do I truly want my life and business to look like?” 

“If you’re always aligning your life and business towards achieving joy, what does that look like?” 

“How can you keep loving yourself and creating life alignment AND create that in your business equally?”

“How can you let go of the “rules” you’ve imprisoned yourself too in business?”

“How much money do I really need/want/desire to make?”

“How much spaciousness do I want in my life?” 

“How much do I want to travel?”

“How many clients do I want to work with?” 

I had big fears of failing myself and others.

.          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .                

Our fear of failure is only our own definition we’ve created for ourselves. 

No one can tell you what that is and you get to fail towards your own greatness. 

.          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .          .                    

 

Every part of your ego CRAVES to take control and feeling so uncomfortable in the unknown.

You get to focus so much more on your BEING and being HUMAN. 

Your evolution will always give you experiences to humble you.⁣

Allowing yourself to be more of who you are and want more of what you want.

I was truly in a womb within myself loving her. Knowing a birthing was around the corner but not forcing her to come out until she was ready. 

By the end of the decade I…

  1. Found a new level of certainty, humbleness, and groundedness.
  1. I have created a whole new mission for business and clients. You’re going to see more intimate programs, more in-person events, less social media and online presence. 
  1. Got back into my own lane and letting go of others shoulds in business that I only put on myself. 
  1. Shed more layers I had no idea needed to be shed. 
  1. Created even more connection and intimacy with my amazing partner.
  1. Got engaged! 
  1. Found a deeper level of love and forgiveness for myself. 
  1. Found a new version of me that is no longer afraid of failing. 
  1. Let another layer of my ego go that was preventing me from fully embracing you all, in all your wholeness.

I had let go of the need for answers… to actually find the answers I always had.

I give you permission today to start separating yourself from your business or career. 

Yes, my love, you CAN have it all financially and create a life and business you love. 

No, it does not make you a failure if you only want to make $100k a year and not $1 million. It doesn’t mean you CAN’T, but who are you REALLY making that money for… because you want to or because you think you should? 

Only you know what that looks like. 

For the woman who is hustling out of alignment and has lost herself… I’m here for you, but only if you’re ready to create an AUTHENTIC soul-aligned life and business. 

No matter how much “work” you’ve done, you never fully arrive. If we think we’re going to finally arrive, we never will.

You HAVE arrived. 

Are you there yet? —-> Yes. 

You’re here.

 Hello, my name is DesiRae and I’m a recovering scale-a-holic. 

I’m also a coach, fiancee, friend, lover, daughter, sister and I get to choose only joy every day. I get to make the money I truly desire AND be 1,000 % aligned in my business. 

I now only choose that.

 

You can find me creating impact, making out with my man, eating chocolate, drinking  amaro barefoot and loving on my community of amazing clients who want the same. Trusting that financial abundance is coming the way it did before but only from a place of joy and alignment. 

You can have it all financially and a life that aligns with her soul’s deepest desires. You just have to give yourself permission to be in the shit of it to find the answers you’ve always had.

I love you, 

 

DesiRae

P.S. I created brand new Events page on my website where you can keep up-to-date with events, upcoming retreats, bookclubs (it’s new!) and more!

There are also more opportunities to work with me coming full of joy, alignment, empowerment and authenticity in-person and online! 

Be on the look-out for events coming soon.  Join my email list HERE or follow me on IG HERE for all the upcoming details. 

Photo credits via IG handles: @kellyeileen.co @theandrewreedphotography