My Inner Athlete: A Warrior With Curves

DesiRae Kraft, Post 1: Fitness Competition

DECEMBER 29, 2016

Five years ago I used to think fitness competitions were only for narcissistic, self indulgent people who had perfect bodies. It’s funny how the mind judges based on our environment, how we are raised and what the media tells us.

As Americans we encounter around 3,000 advertisements every day. Many of these ads are an image of idealized female beauty. Women and girls compare themselves to these images every day.

We judge and are jealous of the women who look the way we want to look. We try to lose or gain weight and many women yo-yo diet. We think, “If I just lose the weight I’ll have the body I want.” We are not happy because what we fail to realize is we are seeking love and feedback from the outside world first. We want to hear we are good enough, pretty enough and thin enough. Our failure to live up to these perfect bodies is inevitable because they are based on a flawlessness that doesn’t exist. We do things we think we “should” do to get the results that we think we “should” want.

What we sometimes fail to ask ourselves is, “Do I love myself for exactly as I am? Not what the outside world wants me to be.”

A Real Woman.. is whatever the hell she wants to be!

Photo credit Beyond Design UK

Now hear me out. I’m not talking about wanting to be healthier for ourselves. I’m talking about that moment we as women do things for others because we have failed ourselves. We are not loving ourselves. We forget to ask what feels good in our bodies. Asking ourselves what foods do I want to eat, and what movement do I crave? We feel guilty for eating chocolate and drinking wine. Who tells us these things?

If you know anything about me, you know that I secretly love to lift weights. My first experience with lifting weights was with my step dad. He was very strong and compared himself to Rambo. He loved fitness competitions and body building. One of our many father-daughter bonding moments included things like him asking me to jump on his back to do a squat.

Growing up a curvy girl I always wanted to be thinner and never appreciated my curves. Before I joined my current gym 5 years ago, I had a workout routine, but I wanted more. I wanted a challenge and to get stronger and lose weight. The gym and the owners had a sense of motivation, strength and encouragement I had never seen before at a gym.

Within that first year I joined I could see my weight go down and my body change. I liked what I saw though it wasn’t good enough. I had moments where I felt strong and healthy and others where I just wasn’t happy with my body and that’s when I started judging myself.  I felt my butt and thighs were still too big and the negative self-talk about my body was always hiding in the background. I was pushing through life while working and attending school full time and barely keeping my head above water.

Then tragedy struck.

My parents were in a traumatic motorcycle accident. My dad died within minutes and my mother was fighting for her life. Over the next year, through the pain, I threw myself into school/work and was just going through the motions. I became mentally and emotionally blinded.  The thought crossed my mind to do a fitness competition back then in memory of my dad. Let’s just keep piling it on to avoid the pain. My lifting weights escalated because I wanted to connect with him more and I pushed harder since he no longer could. I pushed through the pain and grief of losing him and knowing what my mom was going through physically and mentally.

Then the resentment set in. Everything I was doing in life was not for me, I was not happy and was not feeling fed in my life. Yet I was the only person telling myself to do them. I was telling myself to lift more, do more, and be more. It didn’t occur to me why I was pushing myself until I looked within.

This started my journey into rising from the ashes to listen to the whispers of my soul, before they became shouts.

It has now been over 4 years since that accident and I have learned many things – I created my vibrant, strong and thriving body from it. I learned to love myself, my curves and move my body in ways I want. Eating foods l crave and not live a life of shoulds, deprivation and negative body talk.

We all have different bodies. I want you to love your body for exactly as it is and to love yourself first. Then, go find a workout you love that makes you thrive and feel vibrant. Please don’t continue to workout for anyone else, or do a workout you hate because of an idealized female beauty. Do it for you. Do it to feel stronger, healthier and love yourself more.

I have worked hard over the years to love my body and appreciate it for all my curves, strength and more. Today I lift for me. I don’t weigh myself daily and I always ask how my body feels. There are days my jeans are a little tighter, and most days they are just right. This is normal for all of us. I am not obsessing about my weight and I eat to fuel my body and eat things like chocolate when I crave them.

My story started many years ago, but my journey into finding MY vibrant body started just 5 years ago.

This month I started training for a fitness competition that takes place in April 2017. This is something I have wanted to do for years, but I knew I needed to do it for me and not anyone else. I love my body and curves for exactly as they are and feel healthy, strong, sexy and vibrant. I am doing this to challenge myself to create a new form of vibrant and learn more about this beautiful working body I have been gifted. How can I can continue treating it as a gift, forming it, molding it and learning new things not just about my body, but about myself?

I will be sharing on the blog about my journey through training and sharing with you the challenges and victories along the way. I promise you to be Real, Authentic and Raw. In order to learn something new about ourselves, we need to get out of our comfort zones and I’m excited to bring out my inner athletic beast. We all have an inner athlete and a beast within us waiting to come out. It’s time for a challenge to practice more self-love and not let your ego get in the way of that.  

The truth is the body you want is there for you already, you just might not be aware of it. It starts from within and creating the confidence and love for yourself. When the inside of ourselves are not fully loved, it’s only when we nourish them that our roots can grow.

Are you struggling to see just how beautiful you are? Do you want that vibrant and thriving body but don’t know where to start? As a Transformational Mind, Body and Soul Coach, I offer coaching packages to help women create Fearless Minds, Vibrant Bodies and Raw Souls – that fit their life. I also have workshops for Stepping Into Your Feminine Essence. Please check out my site and contact me for more details. 

 

It’s time you see your beautiful, feminine and juicy self for exactly as you are!

XO, DesiRae

 

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